


Looking for Mayberry

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-05
Updated: 1999-05-05
Packaged: 2018-11-11 04:33:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11141097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived atDue South Archive. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onDue South Archive collection profile.





	Looking for Mayberry

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Looking for Mayberry

## 

Looking for Mayberry

  
by Sarah Saint Ives  
  
  
Every night for four Canadian winter months, they had slept close together  
for needed warmth. The arctic air had changed their lives and their  
personalities, but they had visited every corner of the Yukon and the  
Northwest Territories on a dogsled, their bed a shared, waterproof,  
eiderdown sleeping bag buried in snow to save them from the raging wind.  
They had grown accustomed to one another. They depended on one  
another.  
They were comfortable together. They were even comfortable  
in moments of  
silence, which, with Benton Fraser, ex-mountie and  
irrepressible fountain  
of trivial knowledge, was very rare.  
  
It was Spring, and they had survived the white wilderness too long.   
The  
weary dogs trudged into the campground and stopped to glance  
back at the  
two cherry-cheeked men seated on the sled.  
  
"Frase....we're here." Ray Kowalski shook his friend, pointed  
to the  
office. "C'mon, wake up."  
  
Benton Fraser, who had spent most of his adult life in the Royal Canadian  
Mounted Police, had resigned suddenly to go on this insane adventure  
with  
his Chicago cop friend, and now, both men were tired of traveling.  
They  
needed to come in out of the snow for a while.  
  
They rented a small cabin and carried in their few belongings. Ben's  
white, deaf wolf, who was spoiled but intelligent, left the pack behind  
and  
accompanied the men into the cabin. With a wide yawn, the wolf  
critically  
viewed the interior, decided it would suffice, found a  
fleece lying in  
front of the fireplace and fell asleep there.  
  
They built a low fire and sat before it a while, considering their next  
move. Whether to go back to Chicago or to continue their travels. Settle  
down, get jobs, be normal....or be nomads, take the risk of freezing  
in  
their sleep, of running out of food, of getting sick too far from  
civilization to make it to a hospital in time.... They both knew they  
were  
ready to abandon the nomadic life.  
  
"I don't want to live in Chicago any more." Ray said softly  
as he sat  
fire-gazing. "I want to find a small town, you know,  
like Mayberry, where  
everyone knows everyone else's name. Where  
you don't have to fight traffic  
to get to work and back."  
  
"What kind of work would we do in Mayberry?" Fraser asked.  
  
"I don't know. Sheriff?"  
  
"You want to be Andy?"  
  
"No, maybe Barney." Ray gave him a tired grin. "I'd  
rather find something  
completely opposite of police work."  
  
"You mean like....criminal work?"  
  
"No, I mean like....being a farmer."  
  
"That's hard work, Ray, and it's not exactly opposite police work."  
  
"Well, what do *you* want to do?"  
  
Fraser turned toward the fire and drew a deep, contemplating breath.  
"I  
don't know, either."  
  
"You want to go back to being a mountie?"  
  
"Well, that's what I thought I would want to do, until the past  
month,  
until I realized that you and I wouldn't be partners any more  
if I resumed  
my duties as a mountie."  
  
Ray glanced at him briefly. "It would be a lot easier for you to  
defect to  
the United States than it would for me to defect to Canada."  
  
"Yes, I suppose it would."  
  
Kowalski opened a can of petroleum jelly and began to rub it on his cheeks  
and lips, then offered the can to his friend. "Just so we stick  
together.  
I don't care where we go."  
  
Fraser lightly applied jelly to his wind-burnt face. "Yeah. Me,  
either."  
he agreed.  
  
They were aware of their dependency on each other, and up to this moment,  
it hadn't bothered them. Now, there was a hesitancy, a bit more thought  
on  
the matter spiraling in their frosty brains. Still unwilling  
to take up  
the entire issue, they left it undiscussed and took turns  
in the shower.  
  
Ray sat on the double bed next to the window, his blue eyes on the  
flickering reflections in Dief's water bowl as Fraser turned down the  
multiple covers of the other bed closer to the inside wall and the  
bathroom. The ex-cop cleared his throat, pausing only slightly before  
he  
spoke. "You know, this will be the first night in four months  
that I  
haven't slept with you." The statement was made without  
insinuation or  
suggestion. Merely stating a fact.  
  
"Yes, it *will* be." Fraser sat down to face him.  
  
Ray met his eyes and they smiled at each other.  
  
"Ray."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
Fraser stretched an arm to touch his knee. "Do you want to sleep  
with me?"  
  
"Yeah." Ray moved to the other bed, climbed in and burrowed  
deep beneath  
the heavy layers of quilts and blankets.  
  
"We won't be needing all this." Fraser decided and pitched  
all but two  
blankets onto the unused bed. He rolled in beside Ray  
and was immediately  
received in a warm, cuddly embrace.  
  
"Ray?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Do you think we're getting too....ah....comfortable as friends?"  
  
"What do you mean, Frase?" Ray was already drifting off.  
  
Fraser wrapped an arm around him and rested his cheek on Ray's inner  
shoulder. "Nothing. It's not important. Good night, Ray."  
  
"Nite, Fraser."  
  
"Ray?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Why do you always call me by my last name?"  
  
"Hm?" Not awake.  
  
"You could call me Ben, you know."  
  
"Ben....yeah, okay." Ray's breathing was getting deeper and  
more rhythmic.  
  
"Or Benny. The other Ray used to call me Benny." Fraser pushed  
a strand  
of Ray's blonde hair off his forehead.  
  
"Okay....yeah. Benny....." Ray began to snore.  
  
Ben sighed and gave up, began to fiddle with his partner's thick hair  
as he  
slept. Ray was not disturbed in the least, in fact, the gentle  
touches  
seemed to lull him into a more peaceful slumber.  
  
"I love you, Ray." Ben whispered. Lightly, he kissed the sleeping  
man's  
jelly-slicked lips.  
  
Ray moaned in his sleep and pulled Fraser closer. With another sigh,  
the  
Canadian closed his eyes and went to sleep.  
___________________  
  
"Gotta get up. Gotta pee." Ray mumbled, disentangling himself  
from the  
embrace. He stumbled to the bathroom and Fraser, still  
half asleep  
himself, followed to stand guard against predatory animals.  
In the Yukon  
wilderness, there had always been the danger of polar  
bears and arctic  
wolves. Bare flesh presented animals with the opportunity  
to hunt, so no  
one went to the bathroom alone.  
  
It was not until he noticed that Ray was pissing with both hands on the  
wall over the toilet that they were safe inside, that his guard duty  
was  
unnecessary. With an embarrassed but humored grin, Ben turned  
his back  
until he heard the water stop.  
  
"Your turn." Ray slipped past him to return to the warm bed,  
leaving the  
flushing to Fraser.  
  
When Ben snuggled in with him again, Ray said softly in his ear, "I  
love  
you, too, Benny."  
  
The ex-mountie was startled by the words. "You heard me?"  
  
"Of course I heard you." Ray bent to kiss his rosy lips, a  
gentle,  
closed-mouthed kiss. "I heard that, too."  
  
Fraser gasped in surprise. "You were awake when I...."  
  
"Yeah, I was awake." Ray kissed his nose. "It was nice."  
  
"It's nice to have you as my friend." Ben said solemnly.  
  
"Bullshit. We're more than friends, Fraser! We haven't been ten  
steps  
apart in more than four months! We're obsessed with each other!  
Somehow,  
I keep feeling like our whole relationship is just fucked  
up, that we  
shouldn't be like this, but I can't stand to even think  
about my future  
without you in it. Tell me, is that fucked up, or  
what?"  
  
Fraser thought about it. "Yeah, Ray. It's pretty fucked up. But  
I feel  
the same way."  
  
Ray bent, captured his mouth in another kiss. "Is this bad?"  
he asked.  
"Is it wrong?" He kept talking, not about to  
give the other man a chance  
to answer. "Because, even if it  
is, I don't care. It's what I want. I  
want you, I want this with  
you, and I don't care how perverted it is, or  
how messed up it is.  
I don't care what it makes us. I don't care about  
anything but you.  
I love you and I want you. I need you. And I don't  
want anything  
to happen to split us up. I would kill anybody who tried to  
take  
you away from me. I swear I would, Fraser."  
  
There were tears in the Canadian's blue eyes. "Oh, Ray, I....."  
  
Ray didn't let him finish before he was kissing him again. Arms and  
legs  
entwined, lips and tongues danced and dueled. Hands caressed.  
What was  
left of the night was consumed in their own personal fire,  
the one in the  
fireplace forgotten.  
  
Dief gave them a look, tilted his head to study their strange actions,  
then  
hopped into the unused bed and made himself comfortable beneath  
a mound of  
covers.  
  
*Pause for effect*  
____________________________  
  
Benton Fraser stomped the mud off his boots on the cheap woven rug just  
inside the cabin door and hung his dripping overcoat on the wall hook.  
Diefenbaker didn't bother to wipe his wet paws, merely shook himself,  
spattering Fraser with ice fragments before making himself comfortable  
on  
the fleece in front of the fireplace.  
  
Ray sat up in bed and yawned. "What'd you get?" he asked.  
"Did you find a  
grocery store?"  
  
"Yes, I did. I got some instant coffee and stuff to make sandwiches."  
  
"Good. The coffee sounds good."  
  
Fraser set the small bag of groceries on the table and put a pan of water  
on the propane burner to heat. His handsome face was pale and troubled.  
"We're almost out of money. We have to get jobs, Ray."  
  
Ray was looking at the fire. "Are there any openings for a grocery  
store  
clerk? Because I don't see anything else in this god-forsaken  
neck of the  
woods. What are we gonna do, Fraser?"  
  
"I don't know." The Canadian dug their tin cups out of his  
backpack and  
spooned instant coffee into them. "Kalusse is  
forty five kilometers south.  
There are several businesses there."  
  
"Forty five kilometers." Ray was calculating.  
  
"That's less than thirty miles." Benton solved it for him.  
"Not far."  
  
"Pretty damn far when you're on a dogsled and the temperature is  
forty  
below zero. Don't need any calculator to figure out how cold  
*that* is, do  
we?"  
  
Fraser nodded, looking down. "Yeah." he admitted. "Pretty  
damn far when  
it's this cold."  
  
"You wanta pack up and head out today?"  
  
"I think it we should."  
  
"Okay." Ray cleared his throat. "How long do we have  
before checkout  
time?"  
  
"Until four P.M."  
  
The blonde glanced at his wristwatch. "Still six hours. That means  
we got  
some time to relax." He watched his partner pour water  
into the cups.  
"You're coming back to bed, aren't you?"  
  
"I just made coffee."  
  
"Cool. Bring it with you."  
  
Fraser set both cups on the bedside stand and began to strip off his  
wet  
clothes. Undressed, he snuggled in beneath the covers with Ray,  
who gave  
him a tight hug and a kiss.  
  
"You're cold." Kowalski mused, touching his cheek with the  
back of his  
hand. He nuzzled his neck and carefully sucked on his  
earlobe. "My ice  
baby."  
  
Ben smiled bitterly at him. "You know.....I have some items I could  
sell."  
he said.  
  
"Like what? Your mom's jewels in that little package of precious  
momentos  
over there? I don't think so. Your rifle? That was your  
dad's. Those  
things mean something to you. You're keeping them."  
  
"Nothing will mean much if we're starving to death." Ben said  
softly.  
  
"Well, you're right about that, but we're not gonna starve. We'll  
find  
jobs and make enough money to get back to the states. Things  
will be okay,  
Benny." He punctuated his statement with a gentle  
kiss.  
  
Fraser smiled. "I like that." he said, kissing Ray's cheek.  
"You really  
don't mind?"  
  
"Don't mind what? Kissing you?"  
  
"Calling me Benny."  
  
"Why would I mind?"  
  
"Because you were so jealous of Ray Vecchio, and that's what *he*  
called  
me."  
  
"I wasn't jealous of him!"  
  
"Yes, you were."  
  
Ray reached over him and got his cup of coffee. "I was *not* jealous.  
I  
did get a little territorial when he moved back into his old position."  
  
"You're talking about the job?"  
  
"Yeah, the job." Kowalski sipped at the hot coffee. His voice  
was muffled  
by the cup. "And you."  
  
"Why, Ray?"  
  
"I don't know. Maybe because you acted like you loved him."  
  
"I did love him. But not the way I love you."  
  
"I was afraid he would take you away from me."  
  
"I know. I sensed that."  
  
"He married Stella, you know."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I got the best deal."  
  
Fraser kissed him again. "You're quite sure about that?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm positive. He got Stella. I got you." Ray gave  
him an insane  
twinkle and a little laugh. "I definitely got  
the better deal."  
  
"But he and Stella aren't living in poverty as we are."  
  
"We won't be when we get to Kalusse. I'll get a job and we'll be  
fine."  
He set the coffee down again and rolled playfully on  
top of Fraser for more  
soft kisses. "I love you, Benny."  
he whispered warmly. "I would rather  
die with you than live  
with her."  
  
"I would prefer that we live, Ray."  
  
"Yeah, me, too. But you get my meaning, right?"  
  
"Yes, I get your meaning." Fraser closed his eyes as the kisses  
deepened.  
His arms wound round his partner's slender frame.  
  
Ray's fingers were gently stroking the Canadian's thick, dark hair, which  
had not been cut since the beginning of their journey. Both men were  
sporting a longer style. "I wanna make love to you." Ray  
murmured.  
  
Fraser drew in a trembling breath. "We should drink our coffee  
before it  
gets cold, Ray."  
  
Ray nodded and got off him. Situating himself into a sitting position  
behind him, his back against the headboard, he handed him a cup of coffee  
and took the other one for himself. They sat quietly drinking, both  
deep  
in thought. It was half an hour later before the American spoke  
again.  
  
"Are you scared I'll hurt you?"  
  
"I've never done that before, Ray. Of course it'll hurt."  
  
"I'll be careful."  
  
Benton nodded soberly and set down his empty cup. "Okay."  
  
Almost too hurriedly, Ray's cup joined Fraser's on the nightstand as  
he  
slid down beside him in bed. His anxiousness made the ex-mountie  
nervous.  
  
  
"Ray, please! Slowly."  
  
Ray took a deep breath and nodded, beginning his seduction with kisses  
to  
the ear and neck. "I won't hurt you, baby." he whispered.  
"I love you so  
much."  
  
"I love you, too, Ray."  
  
"I can make love to you?" Ray was already humping his hip.  
  
Fraser tried not to be annoyed with him. "Yes. Make love to me.  
Honestly, Ray, Dief has more self control around a bitch in heat."  
  
Ray didn't care if he was labeled hornier than a sex-craved wolf. This  
was  
the single-most romantic experience of his life-time. He kissed  
Ben  
ravenously, plunging his tongue deep into his mouth. As he arranged  
himself between his partner's legs, he reached for the petroleum jelly.  
  
Because the blonde was so frantic, Fraser expected to be practically  
raped,  
but the lovemaking was gentle and virtually painless. By  
the time Ray  
reached his volcanic orgasm, Fraser was ready to join  
him. A few strokes  
later, his was also achieved. He was stunned  
that their first coupling had  
been so hot. "Oh, Ray, that was  
incredible." he breathed as Ray withdrew  
from him. "You  
are very good."  
  
"Then we can do this again?" Uncertainty showed in the blue  
eyes.  
  
"Yes, later." Ben wondered what was on his mind.  
  
"Good. I just wanted to know. Because you and me....we got something  
here. This is good, this thing between us. You know?"  
  
"Yeah. I know." Ben ran his fingers through the blonde hair,  
hoping he  
was reassured.  
  
Ray kissed him again, very intimately rubbed noses with him, then abruptly  
got up and went to the bathroom.  
  
Fraser laid still a moment, pondering. "Ray? Is everything okay?"  
  
"Yeah, everything's fine." Ray called. There was a catch in  
his voice.  
  
Ben got up and peeped in the bathroom door. "What's wrong?"  
he persisted.  
  
"Nothing." Ray was turning on the shower. One glance into  
Fraser's  
concerned blue eyes and he couldn't pretend any more. "You  
know things will  
change between us when we get back to the states."  
  
"Why will things change?"  
  
"I don't know. They just will. We won't be able to sleep together  
there.  
We won't be able to make love."  
  
"Why not, Ray?"  
  
"Because there will be people there!"  
  
"You mean in Mayberry? You're afraid the people of Mayberry are  
homophobic?"  
  
"There is no Mayberry, Benny! Mayberry's a fictional place! Wherever  
we  
end up, it's going to be the same. People are going to look down  
their  
noses at us if they see us living together, sleeping together....if  
they  
know how much we love each other."  
  
"We don't have to tell them, you know."  
  
"Are you ashamed of this with me?" It sounded like an accusation.  
  
"No, Ray! I love you! What is wrong with you?"  
  
Ray stopped, breathing hard, and stood staring at him. Finally, after  
much  
consideration, he reached out to him. "Come get in the  
shower with me.  
We'll talk about it later."  
  
Without question, Fraser took his hand and stepped into the shower beside  
him.  
_________________________  
  
  
The dog team loped along the solid ice path, air being expelled from  
their  
lungs in great clouds of frosty effort. Fraser, guiding the  
dogs, glanced  
down at Kowalski, who was seated on the sled. "Do  
you want to talk about  
it, Ray?"  
  
The American shrugged. "About what?"  
  
"About Mayberry."  
  
"Benny, Mayberry was a damned show on TV in the sixties! Did you  
ever see  
it?"  
  
"Oh, yes. I saw it many times. Mostly reruns, I think."  
  
"Yeah? Who was your favorite character on there?"  
  
"I always liked Aunt Bea. Who was yours?"  
  
Ray repeated the shrug. "I liked the barber dude. I don't remember  
his  
name."  
  
"Floyd." Fraser said.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Floyd. That was the barber's name."  
  
"You know something, Benny? You know too much."  
  
"It's possible to know too much?"  
  
"Yeah, and you do. You know all these dumb little things like what  
the  
fucking barber's name was on the fucking Andy Griffith show thirty-some  
years ago! You know too much. You never seem to be just.....*human*.  
Humans sometimes *don't know*, Benny. Did you know that?"  
  
Ben stared at him in confusion. "I know, Ray."  
  
Ray sighed loudly.  
  
"I'm *sorry*, Ray. What's your point?"  
  
"My point." Kowalski had never felt so scatter-brained and  
unfocused in  
his life. The wind gusted hard, blowing his parka's  
hood back. He took  
advantage of the distraction and replaced it,  
tied it firmly beneath his  
chin. Finally, he continued. "I'm  
not sure I have a point, Fraser. It's  
kinda hard to talk about it  
out here in this blizzard, anyway."  
  
"Understood." Fraser shielded his face against the bitter  
cold and  
struggled with keeping the sled upright as it skidded along  
behind the  
tireless dogs. He wanted to persist, but his partner  
was right.  
Conversation should wait until they could speak in normal  
tones. Screaming  
into the wind was not the way to make life-altering  
decisions, and besides,  
Ben felt physically weak and dizzy.  
  
Days ago, he had felt the weakness developing, but had not mentioned  
it to  
Ray. He did not want to worry him. He knew, though, that  
if they did not  
settle into a warmer, less destitute life-style soon,  
that he would not  
survive.  
_______________________  
  
Kalusse was a gold-mining town with rows of crudely-built shops and stores  
along both sides of a wide, iced-over road. Other buildings were sprinkled  
over the landscape, all which looked abandoned. It looked like a frozen  
ghost town.  
  
Ray stared at the glacial community as the dogs came to a halt in front  
of  
the mining office. "So," he said, sounding ominous.  
"Does this look like  
Mayberry to you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What does it look like?"  
  
"Like Purgatory." Ben answered distantly. He staggered as  
he stepped onto  
solid ground.  
  
Ray rolled off the sled and struggled to his feet. He moved to the front  
of the pack and began to pet Dief's head. "I'll go see whoever's  
running  
the office, okay?"  
  
"Why don't we *both* go see who's running the office?" Ben  
was dusting off  
his parka.  
  
After a pause, Ray nodded. "Okay. Come on."  
  
They entered the shabby building, immediately facing an old man at the  
counter. His face was crooked, but his voice was strong as he greeted  
his  
visitors. "Hello, friends! Tell me what I can do for you!"  
  
They approached the counter together. "I'm Benton Fraser, and this  
is Ray  
Kowalski. We're looking for work." Ben announced in  
a tone that attempted  
to match the old man's cheer.  
  
"Work? Well, since the mine's shut down, there is no work around  
here."  
  
Their faces fell.  
  
"I could hire one of you....on a temporary basis, of course....to  
help me  
clean up this place." the man said, hoping to encourage  
them. "I can't pay  
much, but I'll give you a place to stay  
and food to eat for a few days."  
After a peek out the front  
window, he added, "And food for your dogs."  
  
"Sounds good." Ray said, without looking at Fraser. "Where  
do I sign up?"  
  
"We will both help you." Fraser said, frowning in Ray's direction.  
  
"I can't afford to pay you both."  
  
"That's all right. I'll work free."  
  
Ray glanced at him, caught the frown and sighed. "Where do we start?"  
he  
asked.  
  
"You start by putting your dogs in that shed over there. We can  
start  
cleaning tomorrow. There's no hurry. It's been this way for  
years."  
  
Ben smiled and shook his hand. "Thank you kindly." he said,  
then turned to  
leave, stumbling into a pillar. He held on a moment  
to regain his balance,  
unnoticed by the other men.  
  
Ray shook hands with the man, oblivious to his partner's condition.   
"By  
the way, what's your name?" he remembered to ask.  
  
"Jasper. William Jasper. Glad to meet you both."  
  
Ray smiled and followed Fraser's path out the door.  
__________________________  
  
Diefenbaker groused at his ill-treatment, being locked in the shed with  
the  
dogs while the men returned to the bigger building. Jasper showed  
them to  
a tiny, windowless room and lit a lantern, revealing a battered  
twin-sized  
mattress which laid flat on the floor. The bathroom was  
off to the left,  
incomplete. No shower or tub was present, only  
a rusty washbasin and a  
toilet.  
  
It was good enough for their temporary situation. "I'll get some  
supper  
started in the kitchen. You two get yourselves warmed up.  
Give me about  
thirty minutes, and you can come eat."  
  
They dropped their bags on the dirty floor as the old man left them alone  
and began to peel off their wet clothing. They found nails enough to  
hang  
everything to dry, then, stripped bare, they unrolled their  
sleeping bag  
and spread it on the dilapidated mattress. They snuggled  
in close for  
warmth. "Mmmm, yeah." Ray murmured as the  
numbness began to subside. His  
feet thawed, his fingers warmed against  
Fraser's skin. "This is much  
better."  
  
"Yes, it feels good." Ben's utter stillness was disturbing.  
  
"What's the matter, Benny?"  
  
Fraser figured it was time to tell him. "I have no energy. I feel  
totally  
drained. I don't know what's wrong with me."  
  
"You haven't been eating very well. I saw you give a couple of  
meals to  
the dogs. You can't do that in this climate. You have  
to keep up your  
strength."  
  
"I've gone without food for extended periods of time before, Ray."  
  
Ray kissed his dry lips, then kissed him again, testing.  
  
"What's wrong, Ray? Why are you looking at me like that?"  
  
"Because you have a fever."  
  
"How can you tell? I'm still cold. You're still cold."  
  
"Because your lips are hot."  
  
"We have aspirins in my backpack, but I don't believe they'll be  
necessary." Ben returned the next kiss. "Don't worry about  
me, Ray."  
  
"Yeah, right. Just tell me to cut out my own heart, cause that's  
essentially the same thing."  
  
"I'm sorry. I don't understand." His lie was all too obvious.  
  
"You know I love you. You know you mean everything to me. You  
know I'd  
die if anything happened to you."  
  
"Ray, please. There's no cause to get upset. I'm fine."   
Ben was petting  
his hair soothingly. "The old man is very kind  
to help us like this."  
  
"Yes, very kind." Ray mimicked. "I wonder what happened  
to that laterally  
challenged face of his? I'd hate to go round like  
that. No wonder he  
holed himself up here and lives all alone in  
a ghost town."  
  
"I've lived all alone for months at a time." Ben said, thoughtfully.  
  
Ray kissed him again. "Turn over. I'll warm up your back."  
  
Ben turned his back to him, allowing his partner to spoon in behind him.  
"I'm tired." he said.  
  
Ray couldn't remember ever hearing the Canadian complain of tiredness  
before. He hugged him tightly and waited for their bodies to be warm  
again.  
____________________  
  
They sat at the wobbly wooden table, eating hot canned vegetables from  
mismatched bowls. Fraser sipped from his over-sized spoon, listening  
as  
their host told them the history of Kalusse. It wasn't very interesting,  
really. In fact, it was very boring, but he tried to appear interested  
for  
courtesy's sake. He rested his elbow on the table top, his eyes  
on the old  
man's crooked face, and found himself sliding forward  
into grayness.  
  
Ray grabbed for him, but Jasper made the save, snatching the soup from  
beneath him as he fell onto the table. Ray pulled him back, studied  
him,  
touched his face. "He's got a fever." he said, worriedly.  
"Damn! I don't  
even know what's wrong with him. He seemed  
fine this morning. Now, he's  
passing-out sick!"  
  
"Sickness can hit a man fast in these parts." Jasper seemed  
unflustered as  
he rounded the table to check the unconscious man.  
"Let's get him up to  
bed and hope he's not contagious."  
he said. "I've got plenty of medicines.  
Don't worry. We'll  
take care of him."  
  
Ray bent to lift him, and as he stood easily with his friend's limp form  
in  
his arms, he realized how light he seemed. "I think he's  
lost weight." he  
said. "He's been giving the dogs his  
food."  
  
"That might just be why he's so sick." Jasper said. "Take  
him to bed.  
I'll bring something for the fever."  
__________________  
  
The glazed blue eyes focused slowly on Ray's anxious face. "What  
happened?" He was naked in the sleeping bag.  
  
"You fainted." Ray answered. He dabbed at the feverish forehead  
with a wet  
cloth. "Jasper's bringing something for your fever."  
  
Fraser turned his face away and coughed. He was very pale. "I  
feel sick,  
Ray."  
  
"You want a bucket?"  
  
"I'm afraid I'll be needing it."  
  
Ray went for a bucket he had seen in the doorless hall closet, set it  
within the Canadian's reach. "This came on sudden." he said.  
"You were  
fine this morning. You think it could be food poisoning?"  
  
"No. I didn't eat anything."  
  
"You fed your breakfast to the dogs again, didn't you?"  
  
"To Dief. It's important that he remain healthy and well-fed, Ray.  
If  
he's undernourished, he can't very well pull the sled."  
  
Ray leaned very close to him, gently nuzzled his ear. "I don't  
want you  
sick, Benny. You have to eat."  
  
"I know."  
  
"We're going back to the United States as soon as you're feeling  
better.  
I'll help Jasper get this place cleaned up and we're going  
where I can keep  
you *and* Dief healthy."  
  
"Are we still looking for Mayberry, Ray?"  
  
"Sure. Mayberry. And you know what? We're gonna live *together*  
in  
Mayberry and everyone is gonna know that you're taken. You belong  
to me.  
Hands off. And if they got something to say about it, they  
can tell  
somebody who wants to listen. Cause I don't. You're mine,  
and I'm yours,  
and that's the way it's gonna be."  
  
Ben smiled at him in amusement. Weakly, he caressed Ray's cheek. "I  
love  
you, Ray."  
  
"I love you, too, babe." Ray gave him a light kiss. "I  
want you to  
concentrate on getting well, now. You hear me?"  
  
"I hear you." Fraser closed his eyes.  
__________________________  
  
Fraser woke in the darkened room and found Dief snuggled beside him.  
"Ray?" he called softly, tuning in for Ray sounds. Ray  
was not in the  
room.  
  
Diefenbaker raised his head and licked his master's flushed face, whining  
and glancing to the door. 'He's with the old man.'  
  
Ben nodded in understanding and rolled to face the white wolf, his arms  
around him. "Will he stay with me forever, Dief?" he whispered.  
  
Dief gave him a hopeful lick. 'I can't promise for the man. *I* will  
stay  
with you forever.'  
  
Ben buried his face in the white fur and sobbed.  
  
The door opened, letting in bright light. "Hey, Buttercup!"  
Ray greeted  
cheerfully. "Are you feeling better?"  
  
Fraser looked up at him. "Slightly." he answered. "Still  
very weak,  
though. Why are you in such a good mood?"  
  
"Because I've been working all morning! Got my blood going! Also,  
guess  
what! Jasper had a two-way radio in the shed. I got it hooked  
up and got  
through to a base station in a town two hundred kilometers  
south of here.  
They're gonna relay a message to my folks for me."  
  
"What kind of message?" Fraser asked.  
  
"The kind that reads 'We need to borrow some money so we can get  
the hell  
out of here.'" Ray said, bending to touch his face.  
"You're still burning  
up. I wish we could make that fever break."  
  
"Ray, how will your parents get money to us? There's not exactly  
a Western  
Union at the A & P down the block."  
  
"They'll send it to Pucket. We just have to get there."  
  
"And Pucket is two hundred kilometers south?"  
  
"Yeah. And there are airplanes there. And a hospital. Right now,  
with no  
money, even if I got you to a hospital, we couldn't pay for  
treatment."  
  
"We're in Canada, Ray. I'm Canadian. Treatment is free."  
  
"Really? Cool." Ray kissed him.  
  
"Are you aware that two hundred kilometers is...."  
  
"A hundred and twenty five miles. I know." Depression was  
replacing the  
cheer on his handsome face.  
  
"When will you hear from your parents?"  
  
"The guy in Pucket said to try back in an hour."  
  
Fraser ran an idle finger through the grime on Ray's face. "How  
long is it  
going to take to finish the cleaning?"  
  
"No time at all. Be done tomorrow. It's not as bad as it looks."  
  
"Good. Then we can be on our way?"  
  
"That's gonna depend on you, Sweet Potato." On his hands and  
knees beside  
him, Ray leaned down and rubbed noses with him. "If  
you're feeling up to  
it, we'll go."  
  
"Sweet Potato?" Benton laughed. "I think I liked 'Buttercup'  
better."  
  
"Okay, then, Buttercup it is." Ray kissed him again, then  
sighed. "I'd  
better get back to work. Dief will take care  
of you. If you need me, send  
him after me."  
  
"I will." Ben was reluctant to see him go. He rubbed Ray's  
shoulder,  
raised up for another kiss, which Ray gladly gave him.  
  
"Love you." Ray murmured, tracing the soft lips with a bent  
knuckle.  
  
"Love you, too." Ben said, sniffling.  
  
Dief licked Ray's face and nosed him away. 'Go on. Go to work.'  
  
"Okay, okay. I know when I'm not wanted." Ray laughed and  
left the room.  
  
____________________________  
  
Painful light fell across them again and Fraser lifted his face from  
Dief's  
soft fur. "Ray?"  
  
"No, it's Jasper." the old man whispered, approaching him.  
"Here, I  
brought you something to eat."  
  
Dief moved aside as the crooked-faced man seated himself beside Ben and  
touched a brimming spoon to his swollen lips. Ben accepted the soup,  
but  
the taste nearly gagged him. The swallow was difficult. "What  
is it?" he  
asked.  
  
"It's just soup. It's good for you. When you're sick, nothing  
tastes very  
good, does it?"  
  
"No, it doesn't." Ben was feeling queasy. "Please, I  
can't eat it."  
  
"Come on," Jasper encouraged. "Just a few more bites.  
You gotta try."  
  
Fraser looked distressed as a second spoonful was coaxed into his mouth.  
The nausea was getting worse. "I'm going to throw up."  
he warned.  
  
Jasper handed him the bucket. "I've got some meds that are supposed  
to  
help nausea." he offered, holding the ex-mountie's head.  
"I'll go get  
them."  
  
As he fell back onto the mattress, Ben tried to catch his breath, found  
he  
was mildly strangled. The old man wiped his lips with a napkin.  
"Turn on  
your side a minute." he instructed, and began  
to pound his back.  
  
Benton winced at the pain of the blows, but he could breathe again.   
"Thank  
you kindly." he said feebly.  
  
"I'll go get those meds. You have to be able to hold food down  
or you're  
never gonna get better."  
  
"*Nothing* will stay down." Ben said. "I'm sure it would  
do no good to  
take pills. They would be wasted."  
  
"Not pills." Jasper winked at him. "Suppositories."  
  
Ben looked subdued. "Oh."  
  
"I'll have your buddy bring 'em up and take care of you. I'm sure  
you'll  
be a lot more comfy with him doing that for you."  
  
Ben nodded. "Thank you." His voice was low.  
  
"When you can digest food again, you'll start feeling better. I  
know a  
little about this stuff. I was a pharmacist for thirty years."  
  
Ben smiled amiably. "Here? In Kalusse?"  
  
"Yes, while the mine was operating."  
  
"May I ask you a personal question?" Ben was pensive.  
  
"You wanta know what happened to my face?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"An accident at the mine. A lot of my friends died in there, and  
I went in  
to try to save them. The ceiling came down and a big section  
of it split  
my head wide open. It's a miracle I came out alive."  
  
"Yes, it is." Fraser was awed by the man.  
  
"Split my face from throat to crown. Lucky it went back together  
as well  
as it did."  
  
"And your vision is all right?"  
  
"Don't see too well out of the left eye. A few minor problems,  
but I  
really can't complain. Coulda been a lot worse."  
  
Uncertainly, Benton's hand rose and touched the crooked face. "Part  
of the  
bone seems to be missing here in the left side. That's what  
makes it lower  
than the right."  
  
Jasper allowed him to study the asymmetry of his countenance, a half-smile  
curling his lips. They both turned as Ray stepped inside the opened  
door.  
  
Kowalski waved in greeting. "Hey. What's going on?"  
  
Fraser's hand dropped back onto the mattress. "Mr. Jasper and I  
were  
talking about the mining accident."  
  
Jasper hurried to get up. "I'll go get those meds. Be back in  
a little  
while."  
  
As he disappeared down the long hallway, Ray turned to Ben with a strange  
little smile. "Were you and Jasper about to get it on?" he  
asked.  
  
Ben's jaw dropped. "Of course not! I was merely noting that there  
is bone  
missing from the left side of his face. He was in a mining  
accident...."  
  
He was stopped abruptly when Ray crossed the room and kissed him. "I  
was  
teasing, Benny. Don't take everything so literally."  
  
Ben nodded.  
  
"You belong to me, you hear? You don't kiss nobody else, you don't  
make  
out with nobody else."  
  
"Are you jealous, Ray?" Fraser's blue eyes were sparkling.  
  
"Not of the crooked faced man. But I might be when you get around  
other  
people. Just remember that you're mine, okay?"  
  
"I'll remember." Ben patted his cheek. "I belong to you."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And you belong to me."  
  
"Well, *yeah*. That's the way it works."  
  
"As long as it goes both ways." Ben said.  
  
Ray hugged him. "It goes both ways, Buttercup." He snickered  
to himself  
at the pet name. "And as far as I'm concerned, it's  
for forever."  
  
"Forever." Ben echoed as he wrapped his arms around him. "Forever's  
all I  
need."  
_____________________________  
  
Night time brought howls from the dog shed. "They're fine."  
Ray assured  
Ben as he cuddled beside him. "They ate a lot today.  
They're just not  
used to being locked up."  
  
Dief, being deaf, did not respond to the mournful howls. He was stretched  
against Ben's opposite side, sleeping peacefully.  
  
"You have wonderful parents, Ray." Fraser murmured.  
  
"Yeah, they're cool. Sending us money to get home on." the  
blonde agreed.  
"They think I'm coming back to Chicago."  
  
"We *are* going to Chicago, aren't we? Your apartment is still  
there. All  
your furniture and...."  
  
"We'll pack it up and move somewhere else."  
  
"All right. At least we'll get to see your parents."  
  
"Yeah, but we can't tell them about us."  
  
"It's up to you."  
  
"They would never understand this, neither one of them."  
  
"I doubt my father would have, either." Fraser murmured thoughtfully.  
"He  
would consider our love a 'perversion'."  
  
"What do *you* consider it, Benny?"  
  
Ben kissed him softly. "Me? I consider it a dream-come-true."  
_____________________________  
  
Fraser was stronger, still incapable of exertion, but Ray deemed him  
fit  
for travel. Bundled inside the sleeping bag, the blonde strapped  
him to  
the sled with bungee-type tie-downs and kissed him before  
he covered his  
face with a flap of the sleeping bag. He checked  
the dogs one last time  
before shaking Jasper's hand in farewell.  
"I'll give you a radio call from  
Pucket." he promised.  
"If you ever wanta come visit Chicago, just let me  
know. You're  
welcome any time."  
  
The crooked faced man smiled at him. "I just might take you up  
on that."  
he said. "I've never been to Chicago. But didn't  
you say you were going  
to live in a town called Mayberry?"  
  
"Nah. Mayberry's a fictional place. That was just a dream. There  
are no  
jobs there, anyway." Ray quipped. "Nope. We're  
goin' to Chicago."  
  
He mounted the sled and gave the dogs a whistle, prompting them into  
action.  
  
Smiling, Jasper watched them until they were out of sight. Then, the  
crooked faced man faded into the landscape and joined the other ghosts  
who  
waited for him at the mine.  
  
  
end  



End file.
